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Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Houston Part Three

THE EVENING:

Did the usual “boring to blog about” usuals: checked in to the hotel, ran 3 miles, watched some basketball, RELAXED! It was glorious.

As you know, I have a friend from Houston (see earlier post on Thur. April 23rd: "Jr. High and Airplane Trips").

However, last Monday night, J.J.’s apartment was flooded six inches above his carpet when a storm flew in and dumped 13 inches of water before moving on. He spent the week ripping out carpet and saving what furniture he could. Today, in addition to working a full day, he came home to find the contractors had ripped out the bottoms of all of his walls due to damage. We decided maybe tonight wasn’t the best night to hang, so instead…
I drove myself to a sports bar that got stellar reviews on the internet: Nick’s Place.

I sat out on the patio in front of the ESPN T.V., ordered a drink, and pulled out my notebook to catch any fun dialogue within earshot. That’s when something strange happened. I stopped near a table of older men to get a menu, and one of the men said, “Hey you!” I was the pronoun he was speaking to. “You were at the mall today, weren’t you?”

I laughed the laugh that is somewhere between “amazement” and “creeped-out-ness.”

“Yeah,” I said. “How’d you know that? There were DROVES of people there today.”

“I saw you walk by me twice.” Weird. “It must have been your jeans,” he said.

I laughed. “I’m wearing a different pair.”

At this point, a jolly older man named Jacek piped in, “Well, hell, if you two know each other, pull up a chair, lady!”

I thought, Why the hell not? It’ll make a memory!

So I spent the next three hours laughing with a bunch of drunk old men and a couple ladies as they told me their inebriated facts about Houston:


THE SOBER FACTS ABOUT HOUSTON (as told by the unsober residents of Houston):
1. It’s against the law to walk in Houston. You must own a car, no, a truck, and it must have a gun rack with a gun in it.
2. It was legal until recently (less than 20 years) to drink and drive. Then they said drivers couldn’t drink but everybody else could. Then they thought, Hey maybe that’s not such a smart idea.
3. In the south, they used to have Drive-Thru Daiquiri Stands, where on your way home from the bar, you’d go through a drive-thru and order a daiquiri for your drive home.
4. Since Katrina, tons of people were relocated to Houston after they lost everything. Sadly, the crime rate has increased like mad since then.
5. Jacek (Jay-seck) thinks that his name would be a great teenage boy’s name for a YA novel.

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